Feeling a Little Ms. Scrooge-ish

To many times I find myself feeling this way during the month of December.  I hate the commercialization of the Christmas holiday, I hate that the true meaning of Christmas is just lost on my children – and each year I vow that this is the year that is going to be different.  And every year is the same.  You want to know something?  IT SUCKS.

Here it is, just ten short days before the blessed event – my tree has not been put up, the only decorations that have made it out are the beloved pieces that belonged to my mother and my nana, and not a single Christmas gift has been purchased yet.  So much for my good intentions three months ago to go and put what the children wanted on layaway so that this would not happen but...as you can see...layaway just didn't happen for whatever reason.  I always kept saying, "I can go next week," and next week came and went and before I knew it – here we are.

I have a *general* idea of what I want to get the children for Christmas – but it all depends on what the financial flow looks like...and right at this moment it isn't looking all that sporty.  Not what I would like it to be – let's just leave it at that.  So that is contributing to my Ms. Scrooge mentality at the moment.

Not to mention that I've been dealing with the tongue hurting from being bitten during my seizures on the 4th and 5th, and then Monday (the 12th) my broken tooth in the upper left rear of my mouth started to seriously KILL ME.  By Tuesday afternoon, I couldn't take the pain any longer and was in tears constantly – absolutely nothing was helping me at all.  I hadn't been able to sleep but about 4 hours total between Sunday and Monday night – and I knew that I had to do something before the night was over with. 

I was able to get in touch with the Hanover Interfaith Free Dental Clinic (which is only open Tuesdays from 6pm to 9pm and the first Thursday of each month) but unbeknownst to me, the 13th was their last clinic date until January as they were going to be closed for the holidays.  The intake person I spoke with was not sure if they would be able to squeeze me in, but indicated that IF I had all of my paperwork AND met their income qualifications AND they had a cancellation, that they would fit me in.  I just recently had to pull all my paperwork together to get the children qualified for FAMIS so that was (thankfully) a no-brainer, so off I went.  Got there and completed my paperwork right away before they got too terribly busy, and thankfully there were two cancellations, so the dentist was able to fit me in.  When he took a look at my poor mouth, he had his assistant and the director come lay their hands on me and all three of them prayed for me.  It took quite a few shots of medication to numb the area that needed to be worked on, but we eventually got it to where it wasn't *too* painful and the tugging began.  There wasn't much he could do when he had to pull a certain way to keep it from breaking – the nerve was exposed and the forceps were going to hit it – and we just had to hang tight for a minute until he could loosen it.  That was the worst of it – and within a matter of minutes the tooth was out and even with the huge hole in my jaw – it already felt 90% better.

I have NEVER had a dentist give me numbing medication without it hurting me to the point where I was sitting in the chair, fighting back the screams, with tears streaming down my face.  Out of the seven (yes 7!) shots of numbing medication I had to have – there was only one that seriously caused me some pain – and that was the first one that had to go into the roof of my mouth to numb that area.  The other six literally felt like I was being pinched and were over as quickly as they started.  When I got out of that chair and he showed me the tooth that was causing me such pain – I hugged that man until I think he started to turn blue.  In addition to being so supportive, caring, and understanding – he also gave me six 800mg Motrin tablets to take once I got home since I had explained I would not be able to purchase any pain medication for myself until Wednesday.

Thankfully, I now have an appointment to get the remainder of them removed with the same dentist, and I am on the denture program list.  If nothing else good came from 2011 – this was the best gift I could possibly receive.

However, with every good side of the coin – there is always a flip side, a not-so-good side.  I have noticed that (with matters regarding my health at least) it takes me longer to "bounce back" and be my usual self again.  So I am having to take things easy, go slow, and try to not do more than I am physically capable of. 

In that respect, The Man Thing has been truly wonderful – supportive, caring, chiding me when he feels that I am trying to do too much, too fast.  He's cooked meals, done laundry, and pretty much left me be this week to just take my medications and sleep as I need to and regain my strength and wits about me once again.  I couldn't ask for a sweeter person to call my own.  THAT has been all the Christmas present that I want from him.

Today, however, my living room was rearranged and our little tree is now set up on the table awaiting the children to come home from school to decorate it...and then we will be off to the apartment complex's office for the resident Christmas party so the children can get some treats and I can find out how the Christmas party was last night for the employees!  Unfortunately, by the time my man got home, I was in the midst of getting the children ready for bed...and then he got called out on an emergency call...and by the time he got home from that it was after 1:00 a.m. and I was already sound asleep.

"It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas" is playing on the radio and now that I've written this – I do believe I'm feeling a bit better and not as Ms. Scrooge-ish as I was at the beginning of the post!

Happy Holidays to You and Yours!

What An Interesting Weekend...

...I admit to having.  I got to be the center of attention (always a good thing, but not exactly what I was dreaming of I have to admit) and everyone all concerned and worried about me – all they had to do was just let me sleep like I told them to do and I would have been fine.

You see, I had petit mal epilepsy when I was a child.  I had gone an entire year without a seizure from the time I turned 16 to 17 and the follow up EEGs that occurred after the fact showed that I had outgrown the seizures for the most part.  I continued to live my life as any other functioning normal 17 year old, and so life continued.  I didn't have another seizure then until my daughter's 1st birthday party – the last thing I remember of her birthday party was that I was trying to put on one of her tops and my friend (Kim) knew at the time that there was something wrong with me but not sure what.  They called the ambulance to come pick me up and the next thing I remember is laying in a hospital bed with all these strange people around me that I didn't know.

That was the last episode until my eldest son was born.  I had gone to the office to show off my new baby to everyone – and felt 'funny' while I was driving but I was still in control of my motor skills and functions.  By the time I got to my office though – it had already started.  I vaguely remember dropping my son before slipping to the floor unconscious but he fell on the carpeting and we weren't that high in the air so no permanent damage there.

The next time, however, was scarier than all three of these episodes put together. I do not recall which son it was – if it was my eldest son or my youngest son, or both (one of the drawbacks of seizures, they kill brain cells and mine seem to kill my long-term memory cells for whatever reason) – but I was alone in the house with one or the other or both until my daughter came home from school and was able to call My Man Thing and find out what to do. 

That was the last incident that happened about 7 to 8 years ago.  Until this weekend.  The seizures that I have had since becoming an adult are due to clear, grain alcohols, and also apparently the PM medication in Excedrin (which is used by Benadryl as well) – which I found out the hard way this weekend.  I couldn't sleep Saturday night, so I took two Excedrin and that did absolutely nothing for me...so two hours later, still wide awake and unable to close my eyes – I took another one.  I think it was the extra one that pushed me over the limit.

Suffice it to say I ended up in the emergency room and then later was admitted to an actual room because they did not think they would have time to get the MRI done for me that evening, so I settled in for a night of needless worry by my family – I just overdosed on a medication – I'm not going to die here people – that was too strong for my system that's all.  I know what is wrong with me.  Thankfully they were able to get the MRI done for me Monday evening and, since I refused the anti-seizure medication, they released me – there was no reason to keep me any longer if they could not monitor my medication and how I reacted to it.

I am fine now – still very sore from the calisthenics around the bed Monday morning when I had a grand mal seizure and the gargantuan lead they put in my arm to give me IV fluids – and my brain isn't altogether there either yet, but its getting there.  I sent emails pertaining to my younger son and his class to my elder son's class and teachers and unfortunately made a fool of myself – they had no idea what I was talking about.  So now I'll have to explain myself to all of these people as well and hope that they will understand. 

It's not easing dealing with seizures because you never know when they are going to come on or what is going to trigger them – I learned in the hospital that a simple UID can cause you to have a seizure as well as a plain old sinus condition from a cold as well.  Let's just hope and pray that I don't get that bad off that those simple minor things start causing me to have seizures!  But I just want everyone to understand that it isn't something that we have control over – if I had known about the medication in Benadryl and the PM medications causing seizures I would have found a different means to help me fall asleep.  Sigh.  Live and Learn, right?

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