Happiness Resides in Your Soul

I am extremely thankful for the blessing that is my friends today.  No matter what they are going through, their hearts – like mine – always go out to those who are having a rough time or dealing with something truly upsetting to them.  I just want these particular friends to know that you are always in my heart, thoughts, and prayers. 

I have so much going on today it isn't even funny!  I am hosting my first ever Mary Kay facial/makeover party this evening at 7pm – at my completely TRASHED apartment!  Aye carumba!  I've given myself till noon to be on the computer and get caught up with some things I needed to get taken care of – and then its off to clean and get the house tidied up as much as possible before Katie Morris appears at 6pm to begin setting up her magic!  I am so excited!!!

I also want to share that my daughter is hosting her first ever giveaway on her blog, A +Girl Life!  You have got to check out the beautiful item she is giving away – I'm not going to tell you what it is either!  You have to go and see for yourself!  The giveaway ends on March 25th at 12pm EST – so don't wait!!!

In addition – she has this great little gizmo on her blog that I stole too!  It's called PunchTab and it is what she is using to reward visitors and also what she is using to run her giveaway.  Nifty little gadget – check it out – and it is now part of the LIAH blog as well!  So you can earn rewards and loyalty program points just by visiting our blogs!  Your badges that you earn will be displayed at the bottom and the rewards tab is on the left of each post – just click to find out what your reward is!

Finally, I would like to share some touching photos with you all.  As you know, our four-legged family member, Mollyanna, is the absolute joy of our household with her love and antics and playfulness.  We would be lost without her.  Dogs bring so much unconditional love and understanding to their owners, so this is my tribute to her as well as to all of these dogs showcased below. 

Go hug the pooch who loves you...

Momma's Ramblings

Today's been a rough day for me for some reason.  Might have something to do with the late nights to bed the past few days, or the fact that my Man Thing is having health issues and is just too damn STUBBORN to carry his ass to the emergency room like I have told him, like his cardiologist has told him, like his primary care physician has told him.  His favorite response to that is, "I have work to do," to which I reply, "Well you won't be able to do it when you're DEAD either jackass!" 

Sigh.  He's a man....need I say more?

J. has been thoroughly enjoying his *vacation* from school with the Man Thing giving him back his XBox and his computer so he's not *bored* while he's home on suspension for ten days.  Um, that's the whole POINT of suspension – a *punishment* for something you did wrong.  Well homework came home today for him – and I'm picking his textbooks up at school from his locker tomorrow....vacation is O-V-E-R because there will also be some "momma assigned" reading homework to be done as well.  Checked on his grades today and he's failing EVERYTHING but one class for the 3rd Quarter.  Not good.  Not ACCEPTABLE – especially when I know he can do the work and he's just refusing to do it on principle for whatever reason.

I've also been tossing about the idea of trying to find something on a full-time basis that I can do from home.  Due to my own health issues – it would need to be something that I can do from home for the next six to 12 months though until I can get MY issues dealt with – then I can return to the 'normal' workforce if I so desire.  I'm also going to be getting my driver license back.  It's been long enough that I've been without it, and I miss driving and being able to go where I want whenever I want.  Heaven knows that I don't want anything at all to happen to the Man Thing – but I need to be sure that I am able to take care of myself and my children in the event something should happen and he's no longer able to work – so I'm tossing about ideas there as well.

The future is up in the air at the moment – on lots of fronts – so I think rather than try to deal with them all any longer, I'm going to just say adieu and call it a night. 

New Look for LIAH!

I finally got my tail in gear and got the new look for Life in a House of Testosterone finished today!  Unfortunately, my IntenseDebate comments just disappeared and I don't really want to reinstall it as Blogger now has the same format that allows you to reply to comments made on the blog – so there is no reason for me to have it.  IntenseDebate, however, is revamping their comment import/export service so no idea when I will be able to get the older comments imported back into the blog – but they have been downloaded so that I can as soon as its available again.

I've been a busy gal with some great new artists from Artistic Dreams Imaging which I'll be showing off later on.  At the moment, we're headed out the door to take my poor little man, T., to see the doctor again.  His ear infection is apparently back in full force and he's been crying all day long off and on.  So hopefully Dr. C. can get him fixed up and rolling again, bless his heart.  I know how that feels – not fun.

Be back a bit later with some new creative genius from yours truly and an update on what's been going on in my neck of the woods!

It's Chainsaw Time!

Do you sleep with someone who snores?  Are you the individual doing the snoring?  Do people tell you that you sound like a chainsaw when you snore?  Are you banished to the living room couch, or does your partner leave and sleep on the couch just to get away from the noise?  Do you constantly get woken up due to your partner yelling at you to roll over, or jabbing you in the ribs to wake you up and make you change positions?

Yeah.  Me too.  I'm the chainsaw in my household.

It is something that apparently runs in my family – on my maternal side of the family at that.  My mother used to snore unmercifully.  It was so bad, that my brother and I would sneak into mom and dad's room at night and we would sometimes pinch her nose closed until she stopped and rolled over.  Dad, on the other hand, slept like the dead – nothing woke him up – ever.

The Man Thing and I will celebrate 18 years together in June.  Hopefully.  The way things have been going lately though – I don't know if we'll make it that long if I don't do something – quick – to stop the snoring.  I've been spending my nights on the living room couch for about the past three months now because of my snoring because my man thing has been having some health issues of his own and needs his rest.

So this morning, by the simple grace of God, I saw the infomercial about ZQuiet again.  It is the one product that I have seen that has been cleared by the FDA – which means not only is the material safe – but also that the product achieves its intended purpose.  I've tried other solutions, the sprays and the breathing strips, and they don't work.  I've looked into pillows and chinstraps.  ZQuiet is the only product I have seen that gently advances the lower jaw to create a widened airspace in the back of the throat – where the loud snoring noise is caused due to the vibration of the soft tissue surrounding the airspace.

The company is so sure that it will alleviate any snoring, they offer you a 30 day trial of ZQuiet for just $9.95.  If you do not return the ZQuiet within 45 days of receipt, then your credit card is charged the remaining $59.95 and it is yours.  While I think it is a bit pricy, it is a small price to pay for peace and harmony within my household – not to mention a good night's sleep for a change!

So dear readers, my order goes in tomorrow morning...and I will be giving a complete and honest review right here on the product once I receive it!

A Smile as Big as the Moon

I am still in tears as I sit here and type this post.  I just finished watching "A Smile as Big as the Moon" from Hallmark this evening.  I had no idea it was coming on, just happened to hear it come on after "Once Upon a Time" (an ABC show that I never miss every Sunday night) and it peaked my curiosity when I heard John Corbett (who played Mike Kersjes in the movie) talking about his special needs students – including children with ADHD, like my own son, J.

So I sat and watched sporadically the first half hour, dividing my attention between the computer and the television.  Then I moved to the living room and turned the computer off and gave the movie my full attention.

It was amazing.  It was inspiring.  It was ... unbelievable.  This movie, this one movie, gave me hope that as long as there is one person – even if that person is the ONLY person – as long as there is just one who BELIEVES in these kids, who fights for them, who encourages them, who supports them, who guides them – there is absolutely nothing in this world they cannot do.

Watch the trailer.  Read the book by Mike Kersjes with Joe Layden, and check your local listings because it will be airing again next week.  For those of you in the metro Richmond area, Comcast will be airing the movie again on Saturday, February 4th at 8:00 p.m. and 10:00 p.m. and again on Sunday, February 5th at 2:00 p.m.

If you are the parent of a special needs child, from Tourette Syndrome to Autism and everything in between – watch this movie.  You won't be sorry.  Your children are amazing.  My child is amazing.  And this movie will help you remember just how amazing and wonderfully talented and special they are.

God Bless.

January's Curve Balls

I start each year with the best of intentions ... I'm going to be more organized, I'm going to spend more time blogging and connecting with other bloggers in my niche category, I'm going to spend more time with my children doing x-y-z ... like I said, best of intentions.  As we all know, however, life has a way of always throwing us a curve ball to keep us on our toes.  I am definitely no exception.  In fact, I feel as though I'm life's personal batting cage sometimes – getting curve balls thrown at me at the speed of light for me to catch and deal with.  Even when I'm buried in my deep, dark, little hole hiding from the world – those curve balls find me.  January has been no exception, although it has been more troubling to me emotionally and mentally than any other curve balls I have recently dealt with.

J. was having some issues at school prior to the winter break.  So I was really hoping and praying (daily) that we could sit down and talk and work through those issues so that when school started again on January 2nd that it would be "smooth sailing" for at least a month or so. While I thought our talks were beneficial, apparently they went in one ear and out the other, because J. had only been back in school for 4 days before he landed himself on OSS (out of school suspension) for having a meltdown in class and letting his anger get the best of him. 

For those of you who are new to my blog, J. has ADHD and was diagnosed with it when he was just 5 years old and starting kindergarten.  He lasted two hours before he was expelled from kindergarten for the remainder of the year.  I think that is a record worthy of inclusion in the Guinness Book of World Records.  When he returned to kindergarten at age 6, he was taking ADHD medication and the first two years of school were fine.  He had a few issues now and again, but nothing majorly disruptive or heart-crushing.  2nd grade was an absolute nightmare in a school where he was lumped into a class with other students who were severely emotionally disturbed or had other disabilities that they were dealing with – and only one teacher to try and manage all of the students.  Bless her heart though, she was an excellent teacher and went above and beyond the call of duty to help her students.  She was excellent – the environment and lack of assistance for her was just unconscionable.  Having your son come home in tears every day from school is not a good learning environment, and I'm just going to leave it at that.  Third grade through fifth grade were (in comparison) much better than second grade ... but I noticed the behavior changes coming on the older J. got.  At first, his father and I chalked it up to just normal changes that every pre-adolescent goes through ... but we are quickly coming to believe there is something else going on that J. is just not telling us about.

J. caught a cold during winter break from his younger brother, and was dealing with a residual cough and sniffles when he returned to school the first week of January.  On Thursday, he was coughing quite a bit and asked his teacher to be allowed to go and get a drink from the water fountain.  She refused him and told him he could not go until he finished the handout that they were working on.  J. promptly went into anger meltdown mode because she had allowed other students to leave to get a drink and use the lavatory – and he felt discriminated against.  I don't blame him for that, I would have felt the same way.  Once in that anger meltdown mode; however, it is really difficult for J. to bring himself back to normal and to move on with what he is doing and what is expected of him.  So as a result, the cell test review handout was turned in with comments such as, "I'm in hell, don't care, f-life, f-everything, f-the world, die, f-everybody" and contained drawings of stick figures hanging from a noose and one stick figure with a knife going after another stick figure.

J. is artistic and has exhibited artistic talent since a very young age.  It is one of his outlets that enables him to put what he is feeling into words or drawings on paper and to work it out of his system.  This has been a behavioral therapy that he has used to help calm himself ever since he was in 1st grade and encouraged by his physician and his counselor.  While some of you may think that the drawings and comments in and of themselves are disturbing – the fact that he drew them out to release them instead of acting upon them physically is what we want for him.  A much better method of release than say him assaulting a teacher or another student.

So when the phone call came in from the assistant principal at J.'s school indicating he'd been put on out of school suspension for three days (his second time) and the reasons why, I admit to having mixed feelings.  I was angry at first with J. for losing it the first week back at school because I *thought* that our talks over the break had been beneficial and were really going to help him.  When the assistant principal wanted to know if we could have a meeting the following day to discuss "some other options" that he felt would be beneficial for J., I was optimistic.  Anything to help my son be able to maintain and cope and be able to deal with the "real world" is always welcome.

The following day we had the telephone conference at which time the assistant principal informs me that he thinks J. should be enrolled in what is called the S.O.A.R. Academy, which stands for Success, Opportunity, Achievement, Responsibility.  He explained that it is completely free for the parents, available to children in middle school, and funded by the county and state.  Transportation is provided by the school system so parents are not inconvenienced with having to drive their children to a school out of their area.  He talked up the program and made it sound as though it was something wonderful that J. would really benefit from, but I told him that it was something his father and I needed to discuss and find out more about before making that decision.  I've learned the hard way not to make any snap decisions where J. and his ADHD and all that it entails is concerned.

So I started to do some sleuthing on my own to find out more about this program.  I sent emails to the school in question that hosts this program and requested additional information from the lead teacher in charge of the program.  I researched it online to see what I could find out.  I talked to other women in my circle of friends and asked their opinions.  After hitting a few brick walls and having to get downright shitty at one point, I finally got the information I requested about this program and immediately went into a rage.

Taken directly from the academy's parent/student handbook – "The mission of the [County] Youth Day Treatment Program is to provide mental health treatment in collaboration with special education instruction for severely emotionally disturbed students, thereby creating opportunities for the students to manage their behaviors and emotional issues in the public school setting."  Excuse me?  They further go on to state that he would have individual counseling with assigned clinician each day, home visits, family counseling, medication monitoring, intervention.... In addition, J. would be confined to one room all day.  He would have to eat lunch in his classroom, and would not be allowed to go anywhere (office, nurse, library, water fountain, bathroom) by himself.  Somebody would have to go with him or he would have to wait until someone was available.

Placing J. in this program would be an exact repeat of 2nd grade, and cause more harm than good to my son.  He has been an honor roll student for the past three years of school.  He is not severely emotionally disturbed.  So I scheduled a meeting for the following week with all of his team members for his IEP and as many of his teachers as could attend as well – and I entered into Pissed off Mama Lioness Mode.  I spent six days researching just what the laws are in our state for children with disabilities in "regular" school systems, what the teachers are required to do, what the parents are required to do, what the school districts are required to do.  You see, up until this point, I had allowed the schools to tell me what they thought would be best to help J. in class.  After all, they are the ones who were supposed to know, right?  I read everything I could find on how to assist students with ADHD in the school system, what parents could do to help them with their homework and their behavior.  By the time the meeting rolled around, I felt as though I were a walking encyclopedia of information regarding ADHD and the Virginia school system.

I won't delve into explicit details, but I took over an hour to tell them everything that was on my mind, I said what I needed to say, I spoke with the teachers regarding their behaviors towards J. and informed them in no uncertain terms that any additional discrimination against my son would be dealt with via the school board and the judicial system.  The assistant principal who wanted to pawn my son off to another school in a program that was completely and totally wrong for him didn't even bother to show his face in the meeting.  I have lost all respect for the man after his actions with regards to my son and will deal with him only when necessary.  I demanded weekly reports on his behavior and progress, and I demanded daily emails or notifications of homework assignments that were required, I demanded measures be put in place so that if J. began to go into meltdown mode that they would not only recognize the signs (picking at his lip or his fingernails, wringing his hands, eyes getting a *wild* look to them) that he be allowed to step out of the room without a word and get himself together again. If that did not work, then he was to be allowed to go somewhere to contact his father or I so we could talk to him and help him work through whatever the problem was.  This allowing the issue to escalate and not deal with it right then and there – and then punishing him for his behavior and actions when he had reached a point where he was incapable of controlling it any longer – would not be tolerated any more.  I also demanded that the guidance counselor do her job as well and give J. some one-on-one time to assist him with anger management skills and assist him with dealing with different emotions and feelings and giving him some skills that he can put to use to help him manage himself instead of relying on the teachers to deal with everything.

His week at school after the meeting was semi-good, he didn't quite make his goal of 75% acceptable behavior for the week – and this past week, with all of the semester testing that was done each day – was just horrid.  He landed himself on ISS (in school suspension) because he decided that being the class clown was more important than paying attention and doing what was required of him.

In addition, he's been having difficulties at home as well with his behavior – and quite frankly it is beginning to make me feel as though I am failing him as a parent.  I am doing everything that I can think of to offer him a loving, caring, structured environment – but he is fighting me at every turn.  He is talking-back, being downright defiant, speaking to his father and I in a manner that should only be used with his friends (and I'm not all that crazy about him talking with his friends in that manner either!) and just the other night he had the audacity to tell his father and I (under his breath naturally) to just "shut the hell up" and I must admit that I took it rather personally, as I am the one who fights for him when everyone else is against him, I am the one who researches medications and various other treatment options to speak with his doctor about to find the absolute best treatment plan for him that will enable the bright, articulate, extremely talented individual that he is shine through. 

It's difficult, at best, on a daily basis when I am constantly analyzing behaviors and actions and trying to determine what is "normal" pre-teen behavior and which behaviors and actions are ADHD related and possibly problematic if allowed to continue without intervention.  I have spent hours researching how other parents deal with ADHD, what techniques work with regards to actions and consequences, chores, homework, and the list just goes on and on.

I want to be able to just wave my mommy magic wand and make things all better for him – to make him ADHD-less, so that the wonderful person he is inside can be seen and recognized and loved daily ... but I am unable to do that, and it breaks my heart.  So I will continue to listen to the iTunes podcasts that I have found so helpful and packed full of information on the topics of ADHD and behavioral issues with children with ADHD, and I will continue to read up on the subject and become actively involved in the ADHD associations available out there – and continue to fight for my son.  It is all that I can do, and will continue to do.

T. has not been without his issues as well.  His anger and his temper, while not as frequent as when he was younger, is just as volatile and explosive when it does rear its head.  A friendly match of play-wrestling the other day resulted in the arrival of the Sheriff's department, the ambulance, and damage done to a vehicle.  T. and D. (a neighborhood child in our complex) were outside play wrestling when an accidental hit to the nose caused D. to get angry and begin choking T.  He was having difficulty breathing and when he managed to get away from D., he snuck in the house (unbeknownst to me) and took the handlebar from his scooter and decided to smash D.'s mother's car trunk lid a few times instead of hitting D. with it.  Unfortunately, it put two small little dings and a scratch in the trunk – which The Man Thing said we would take care of.  We both estimated the damage could be repaired for between $75 to $200 maximum.  They are just two teeny dings (that could easily be bumped out with a hammer) and the scratch where the metal handlebar scratched the paint off are easily repairable.  Unfortunately, it seems that our patience (and our pocketbooks) are being taken advantage of, because we received an estimate from D.'s mother for a total of $489.14.  Funny thing is, here it is two days later, and The Man Thing went over to take a photo of the damage which – surprisingly – is much worse than the original two little dings and little scratch.  This is what we are now expected to repair:

This is not the damage she originally showed us.  All of those additional scratches everywhere were not there, that long scratch at the top was not there, the paint was not peeling off the trunk.  I do not like feeling as though someone is taking advantage of us, and I am definitely getting the distinct impression that we are being taken advantage of.  So I'll be posting more about this particular 'situation' as well as events unfold.

My "intention" for 2012 was to become more organized, to get my household in order, and to have everything in its place and a place for everything.  Ha!  That's been working out about as well as the "stop smoking" intention.  My email is an organizational nightmare because I've been having to bounce back and forth from one program to another ... although knocking wood that all of THAT mess has finally been taken care of.  The boys' rooms were cleaned – 80% by me (once again) and 20% by them, but they have been charged with taking care of their own rooms and must have them picked up and in ship-shape before going to bed each night.  If they aren't, they are pulled back out of bed and made to clean them up.  In addition, if they have to be TOLD to do so, they don't earn their allowance.  Actions and consequences.  They are both old enough and responsible enough to keep up their rooms – and they can call me every name in the book that they like – but I absolutely refuse to raise two boys who will expect a woman to take care of them and cook and clean and wipe their asses for them like in the dark ages.  They will be able to take care of themselves and take care of their homes come hell or high water!

January's curve balls haven't all been bad.  I've learned a lot (which is why God throws us a curve ball every now and again, to teach us something we need to know) and keeping that thought in the back of my mind has enabled me to muddle through to the other side of each and every instance.  So I am always thankful for whatever lessons I learn from dealing with different issues in life, as I know there will be a time and a place later in life when I will need the knowledge that I've gained from those life lessons.

Life in and of itself is a lesson for each of us ... what we choose to learn, or not learn, from the experiences we have is totally up to us. 

Christmas 2011 and Ending the Year...

Christmas Day was not the nightmare that I envisioned it to be.  Both J. and T. were thrilled with the presents that they received (even if there were a few missing that were on the wish list) and even The Man Thing gave a rare compliment – "You done good Santa.  You done good."

Santa always brings a few sweets and leaves them in their stockings – and scored double points with a huge bag of Smarties and a box of Sour Patch Kids included with some other treats and their traditional holiday socks.

J. has been asking us for the past four years for an XBox 360.  We thought of getting the PlayStation 3 instead – but since T. seemed to be content with the Wii and Wii games, we decided this was the year – finally.  This look on his face will be permanently ingrained in my memory.  He had no idea that this was even a possibility this year (he had become so accustomed to NOT receiving it that he just stopped looking forward to it) and the look of surprise and then delight on his face was just priceless.  It made the wait worthwhile.

T. has an obsession with all things Angry Birds.  Santa hunted high and low for the plush toys or keychain or a T-shirt or something that had anything to do with Angry Birds to no avail.  Being that they were such a hot commodity this year, those of us who did their shopping 48 hours before Christmas morning were pretty much just shit out of luck.  My friend found these Angry Birds stickers while we were walking around at Wal-Mart and I snatched them up.  Who knew that some wall decal stickers would put such excitement on T.'s little face Christmas morning?  His room is now devoid of all his WWE posters and there are Angry Birds plastered EVERYWHERE in his room LOL!

After all the gifts were opened, my children disappeared.  J. to his room to play Modern Warfare 3 on his new game system, under his comfy new comforter for his bed that Santa brought as well – and T. disappeared to his room to decorate it with Angry Birds and then to play with his new games on the Wii.

I made a lovely vegetable dip and served that with some Wheat Thins while my family and guests were waiting for dinner to finish, along with some Hickory Farms summer sausage and cheeses.  Dinner consisted of a baked honey-glazed ham, homemade macaroni and cheese (which was absolutely delicious considering it was the first time I had ever made it – with a little help from my Facebook friends lol), scalloped potatoes, stuffing, collard greens, corn, crescent rolls, and gravy.

By the time everyone had finished dinner and the dishwasher was loaded with round one of the dirty dishes, I was exhausted.  I sat down on the couch to talk with my guests and spend some time with the family...and promptly fell asleep!  Talk about embarrassing!  They understood though and just let me catch a quick nap for about an hour!!!

So, as I said, Christmas Day did not turn out to be the nightmare I had built it up in my head to be; however, I swear upon all that is holy and just that I will not be caught at the last minute again in 2012 rushing around trying to find things that they have asked for for Christmas.  It's layaway or bust this year baby!

Naturally, with Christmas 2011 finished, it is now time to turn our attention to the New Year and all that 2012 will hold for each of us.

It never ceases to amaze me just how quickly the years go by any more. When I was a young girl, I couldn't wait for the years to go by so that I could finally be old enough to be out on my own, to start really living my life. If I only knew then what I know now, I would have cherished those carefree, responsibility-free years and enjoyed them as much as possible. I try to tell my children this constantly – to just enjoy being a child and stop trying to grow up so fast – but just as I did with my own parents – they roll their eyes at me and think to themselves, "Yeah right! What do YOU know?"

So, from me to all of you, I wish you a very happy, blessed, peaceful, prosperous, healthy 2012!

The Holiday Spirit

Do you have it?  Do you know what it is?  I think that it is lost on quite a few people in this day and age.  I know I lost it these past two weeks.  I've been dreading tomorrow like the plague.  I forgot the Reason for the Season, and fell into the commercialization trap.

Buy this, buy that, get them this, get them that.  WTF does any of that have to do with the real reason of Christmas?  Not a damn thing – that's what. 

I grew up knowing that Christmas was the celebration of the birth of Jesus.  I went to midnight service on Christmas Eve with my family every year till I moved out.  I sang Christmas carols as well as Christmas hymns all month long.  I went out of my way to be kind and courteous and giving to those less fortunate than me, and I always challenged myself to think of something new to do each year to give something back to those less fortunate – be it donating my gently used clothing or toys to a shelter, helping someone who needed an extra set of hands – I knew the season was about giving – of yourself, of your heart, of your love.

I failed my children in this respect.  We do not go to Christmas Eve services.  I do not read the Christmas story from the bible to them.  I do not ask them each year what they would like to do to help someone less fortunate than them during the holiday season.  They have never sung a Christmas hymn, or held a candle during Christmas Eve service.  They know the story of the birth of Jesus – but I don't think that comes to their mind first and foremost when you mention Christmas.  Their first thought is "what are we going to get?"

I stressed myself out so much yesterday, that I seriously thought I would have a nervous breakdown.  I couldn't find a store that had the presents they'd requested in stock.  None of them locally had the Paper Jamz guitars that T. and J. wanted, or the Cabella's Big Game Hunter 2012 w/gun for the Wii, the Sports Resort w/Motion Sensor for the Wii, or WWE 2012 for the Wii that J. asked for, nor could I find the acoustic guitar in stock that J. wanted, or the special pencils I wanted to get J. to go with his sketch pad.  I could have gone to other stores and possibly found them – but since I don't drive and need to rely on a dear friend or TMT to take me where I need to go – my travels were limited to a few select stores.  So I shopped with my dear friend and she helped me pick out items that she knew T. and J. would like as well...and consistently told me to stop stressing.  It finally started to sink in, and I could feel the muscles in my neck starting to relax – and hurt.

I went to bed last night exhausted with a horrid tension headache, and woke up this morning feeling as though I'd been beaten with a baseball bat.  T. got a video message from Santa this afternoon (ahem) that told him Santa wasn't sure if he would make it on the nice list this year because he couldn't keep his room neat and tidy like mom and dad have asked him to all year long.  While Santa did say that he still had time to change things around and get on the nice list....T. didn't hear any of that.  He was busy collapsing in a pile of tears.  While it had the desired effect (his room is so clean you could eat off the floor now), I traumatized my son by having him think Santa might not bring him anything.  Talk about feeling like a total bitch.

This is not what Christmas is about.

I made myself a promise that I would write about all of this so that next year I would be reminded of the hell that I put myself through, and that I would do whatever was necessary to ensure that my children (and I) remembered the true meaning of Christmas, and not fall prey to the commercialization of the season and the gimme-gimme-gimme mentality.  So if any of you see me slipping next year and forgetting – smack me upside the head and remind me, okay?

I'm off to watch "It's a Wonderful Life" with my children and try to salvage (and enjoy) what is left of the holiday season with them.

Sloppy Joe Supreme

I love to cook – when I'm not being *pressured* into cooking.  You know what I mean, kids nagging in your ear that they are starving, husbands complaining that you never cook anything that they like (even when they are the one that requested a particular dish for dinner) – I know you know what I'm talking about.

I also hate it when I draw a complete blank looking into my fridge and cabinets and can think of absolutely nothing to fix for dinner that will feed the testosterone in this house to the point where they are actually full and not coming back in an hour looking for another full-course meal to eat!

This is a sure fire hit in my household – it not only fills them up – its quick and inexpensive to prepare!  Since its baked in the oven – there is no need for buns – and you can pair it with a delicious, healthy salad or your favorite steamed veggies for a well-rounded nutritious meal!

15 minutes (Prep Time)

40 minutes (Total Time)

Servings:  (3) servings (you can double the recipe to make more)

 

Ingredients

1/2 cup of Bisquick Mix

3/4 cup shredded Cheddar cheese

1/4 cup water

2 tablespoons of egg product (or 1 egg white)

1/2 pound ground beef (extra lean works best)

1/2 cup canned tomato sauce

1/4 cup ketchup

1/4 teaspoon salt

 

Directions

(1)  Heat oven to 400 degrees F.  In small bowl, stir together Bisquick mix, 1/2 cup of the cheese, the water and egg product (or egg white); set aside.

(2)  In oven-proof 8-inch skillet, cook beef over medium heat about 4 minutes, stirring occasionally, until brown; drain.  Stir in tomato sauce, ketchup and salt.  Heat over medium-high heat, stirring occasionally, until hot.

(3)  Pour Bisquick mixture over the top.  Bake about 25 minutes or until golden brown.  Sprinkle with the remaining 1/4 cup of cheese.  Serve warm.

Feeling a Little Ms. Scrooge-ish

To many times I find myself feeling this way during the month of December.  I hate the commercialization of the Christmas holiday, I hate that the true meaning of Christmas is just lost on my children – and each year I vow that this is the year that is going to be different.  And every year is the same.  You want to know something?  IT SUCKS.

Here it is, just ten short days before the blessed event – my tree has not been put up, the only decorations that have made it out are the beloved pieces that belonged to my mother and my nana, and not a single Christmas gift has been purchased yet.  So much for my good intentions three months ago to go and put what the children wanted on layaway so that this would not happen but...as you can see...layaway just didn't happen for whatever reason.  I always kept saying, "I can go next week," and next week came and went and before I knew it – here we are.

I have a *general* idea of what I want to get the children for Christmas – but it all depends on what the financial flow looks like...and right at this moment it isn't looking all that sporty.  Not what I would like it to be – let's just leave it at that.  So that is contributing to my Ms. Scrooge mentality at the moment.

Not to mention that I've been dealing with the tongue hurting from being bitten during my seizures on the 4th and 5th, and then Monday (the 12th) my broken tooth in the upper left rear of my mouth started to seriously KILL ME.  By Tuesday afternoon, I couldn't take the pain any longer and was in tears constantly – absolutely nothing was helping me at all.  I hadn't been able to sleep but about 4 hours total between Sunday and Monday night – and I knew that I had to do something before the night was over with. 

I was able to get in touch with the Hanover Interfaith Free Dental Clinic (which is only open Tuesdays from 6pm to 9pm and the first Thursday of each month) but unbeknownst to me, the 13th was their last clinic date until January as they were going to be closed for the holidays.  The intake person I spoke with was not sure if they would be able to squeeze me in, but indicated that IF I had all of my paperwork AND met their income qualifications AND they had a cancellation, that they would fit me in.  I just recently had to pull all my paperwork together to get the children qualified for FAMIS so that was (thankfully) a no-brainer, so off I went.  Got there and completed my paperwork right away before they got too terribly busy, and thankfully there were two cancellations, so the dentist was able to fit me in.  When he took a look at my poor mouth, he had his assistant and the director come lay their hands on me and all three of them prayed for me.  It took quite a few shots of medication to numb the area that needed to be worked on, but we eventually got it to where it wasn't *too* painful and the tugging began.  There wasn't much he could do when he had to pull a certain way to keep it from breaking – the nerve was exposed and the forceps were going to hit it – and we just had to hang tight for a minute until he could loosen it.  That was the worst of it – and within a matter of minutes the tooth was out and even with the huge hole in my jaw – it already felt 90% better.

I have NEVER had a dentist give me numbing medication without it hurting me to the point where I was sitting in the chair, fighting back the screams, with tears streaming down my face.  Out of the seven (yes 7!) shots of numbing medication I had to have – there was only one that seriously caused me some pain – and that was the first one that had to go into the roof of my mouth to numb that area.  The other six literally felt like I was being pinched and were over as quickly as they started.  When I got out of that chair and he showed me the tooth that was causing me such pain – I hugged that man until I think he started to turn blue.  In addition to being so supportive, caring, and understanding – he also gave me six 800mg Motrin tablets to take once I got home since I had explained I would not be able to purchase any pain medication for myself until Wednesday.

Thankfully, I now have an appointment to get the remainder of them removed with the same dentist, and I am on the denture program list.  If nothing else good came from 2011 – this was the best gift I could possibly receive.

However, with every good side of the coin – there is always a flip side, a not-so-good side.  I have noticed that (with matters regarding my health at least) it takes me longer to "bounce back" and be my usual self again.  So I am having to take things easy, go slow, and try to not do more than I am physically capable of. 

In that respect, The Man Thing has been truly wonderful – supportive, caring, chiding me when he feels that I am trying to do too much, too fast.  He's cooked meals, done laundry, and pretty much left me be this week to just take my medications and sleep as I need to and regain my strength and wits about me once again.  I couldn't ask for a sweeter person to call my own.  THAT has been all the Christmas present that I want from him.

Today, however, my living room was rearranged and our little tree is now set up on the table awaiting the children to come home from school to decorate it...and then we will be off to the apartment complex's office for the resident Christmas party so the children can get some treats and I can find out how the Christmas party was last night for the employees!  Unfortunately, by the time my man got home, I was in the midst of getting the children ready for bed...and then he got called out on an emergency call...and by the time he got home from that it was after 1:00 a.m. and I was already sound asleep.

"It's Beginning To Look a Lot Like Christmas" is playing on the radio and now that I've written this – I do believe I'm feeling a bit better and not as Ms. Scrooge-ish as I was at the beginning of the post!

Happy Holidays to You and Yours!

Slacking on Christmas

I normally am *not* the proverbial slacker when it comes to Christmas – well, at least not a slacker in the decorations department!  The weekend after Thanksgiving has always been the start of the Christmas season for my family for as long as I can remember.  My mom would begin pulling out all of the Christmas decorations and tree trimming paraphernalia the weekend after Thanksgiving and by December 1^st our home was always decked out in its holiday finery and would remain so until after New Year’s Day.  Usually the day that we children returned to school is the day she would take everything back down and pack it away – and we would return home from school to a house that had been returned to normal once again and the holiday season was then “officially” over and done with.

I try to keep that tradition for my own family.  Unfortunately, I actually am being a slacker this year.  Last year when I packed away the little ornaments that I had left (those which were not broken or light strands that actually still worked) I made a mental note that I needed to get some additional decorations for the tree this year and some lights – and I was NOT going to settle for whatever was on sale.  I want my tree decorated in silver and gold.  I have always wanted to have a themed tree – and I was bound and determined that THIS was going to be the year that I got my themed tree.

Guess again.

I should know better than to “plan” for anything – especially something like having a themed tree and specialized ornaments and lights and wanting a beautiful wreath to hang on my front door and lights to put in my windows to guide the wise men on their way – silly me forgot that every time I “plan” for something to happen a certain way it never happens the way that I want it to!  I have to be completely and totally spontaneous in order for anything to happen the way that I want for it to happen.

Having my seizures on the 4^th and 5^th didn’t help matters either.  While I did get my Christmas knick-knacks set up the weekend after Thanksgiving – the tree is still in the box in the closet (which was another “not going to happen this year” event as well – I wanted a REAL tree this year and not that fake crap!) and I still haven’t had the chance to purchase additional lights and ornaments.  I did promise the boys though that we would put the tree up tonight and what little decorations we have for it – so I’ll be taking stock of what I need, what I want – and then keeping an eye on the after Christmas sales so that I can go and put the items that I want on layaway so when next year rolls around – I will be ready this time!  Considering I only have roughly another 2 weeks of unemployment to claim before that ends – I need to make the most of it while I can!

What about you?  Have you gotten all of your decorations up yet, or are you in slacker mode right along with me?  When is your family’s traditional kick off to the holiday season? 

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Been Having a Play Today...

Been having a play today with my Incredimail and Outlook programs trying to decide which I want to use on a full-time basis.  I love the fact that with Incredimail I can use a variety of skins for the holidays and have different letters to use, but I've been noticing that I am using less and less letters and just using the signature tags that a bunch of talented individuals create for me – which got me to thinking that instead of dealing with all the headaches Incredimail gives me by crashing every couple of weeks (probably because I have too much stuffed into the style boxes!) that I would just save myself the heartache and use Outlook instead.  But I haven't made up my mind yet because apparently there is an issue with my Outlook program – so I'm in the process of searching for the disc to reinstall it and see if that will fix the issues.  If I find it, and the reinstall fixes it, then I'll be switching to Outlook for the next month of so and seeing how things go from there.  If I cannot find it, and I cannot fix it, I suppose I won't have a choice but to keep on using Incredimail and hope and pray that they come out with a calendar program that works in conjunction with their e-mail program as well – because that is what I really need!

I will hopefully be getting Christmas cards mailed out this week – I know, I'm running behind (what else is new right?) – but they should all be out hopefully by the end of the week.  This is the last week of school for the children until January 2, 2012 – and I am already dreading the thought of being home with the two of them for two weeks.  T. is already starting to act like a royal pain in the toosh all because he cannot have noodles for dinner tonight because I've fixed chicken breast, stuffing and corn on the cob!  If he thinks he can throw a temper tantrum to get what he wants for dinner, he has another thought coming!  He'll end up in bed before that happens!

 

Concerts and Commencements

Yesterday evening we celebrated J.'s beginning band concert and today we celebrated A.'s graduation from college!  December has definitely been a month of remembered events!

Last night, J. was all excited about being able to perform for us and we were excited to hear him!  We couldn't wait to get to the school and listen to him perform.  He wasn't exactly thrilled about my snapping photos either – but I had to be sure the camera was working properly LOL!

The beginning band class played Good King Wenceslas, It Came Upon a Midnight Clear, Jolly Old St. Nicholas, Up on the Housetop, and Jingle Bells for us.  They did an absolutely FANTASTIC job and we couldn't have been prouder of our young man!  I loved playing the piano when I was in high school so having one of my offspring be involved with band at this early stage is a nice feather in my cap LOL!

I cannot begin to tell you how proud I am of A. for graduating today from college.  I am literally just bursting with pride.  She has always been an exemplary student, always succeeding in all that she puts her mind to.

There were several times during the commencement address to the class that I was almost in tears, and yes, there were several that fell when she was called to receive her diploma.  I think T. and I yelled louder than anyone else in the auditorium when A. was called to the front!

In case you cannot tell, that's T.'s "I'm proud of you!" grin!

...and this was me trying not to cry!

What An Interesting Weekend...

...I admit to having.  I got to be the center of attention (always a good thing, but not exactly what I was dreaming of I have to admit) and everyone all concerned and worried about me – all they had to do was just let me sleep like I told them to do and I would have been fine.

You see, I had petit mal epilepsy when I was a child.  I had gone an entire year without a seizure from the time I turned 16 to 17 and the follow up EEGs that occurred after the fact showed that I had outgrown the seizures for the most part.  I continued to live my life as any other functioning normal 17 year old, and so life continued.  I didn't have another seizure then until my daughter's 1st birthday party – the last thing I remember of her birthday party was that I was trying to put on one of her tops and my friend (Kim) knew at the time that there was something wrong with me but not sure what.  They called the ambulance to come pick me up and the next thing I remember is laying in a hospital bed with all these strange people around me that I didn't know.

That was the last episode until my eldest son was born.  I had gone to the office to show off my new baby to everyone – and felt 'funny' while I was driving but I was still in control of my motor skills and functions.  By the time I got to my office though – it had already started.  I vaguely remember dropping my son before slipping to the floor unconscious but he fell on the carpeting and we weren't that high in the air so no permanent damage there.

The next time, however, was scarier than all three of these episodes put together. I do not recall which son it was – if it was my eldest son or my youngest son, or both (one of the drawbacks of seizures, they kill brain cells and mine seem to kill my long-term memory cells for whatever reason) – but I was alone in the house with one or the other or both until my daughter came home from school and was able to call My Man Thing and find out what to do. 

That was the last incident that happened about 7 to 8 years ago.  Until this weekend.  The seizures that I have had since becoming an adult are due to clear, grain alcohols, and also apparently the PM medication in Excedrin (which is used by Benadryl as well) – which I found out the hard way this weekend.  I couldn't sleep Saturday night, so I took two Excedrin and that did absolutely nothing for me...so two hours later, still wide awake and unable to close my eyes – I took another one.  I think it was the extra one that pushed me over the limit.

Suffice it to say I ended up in the emergency room and then later was admitted to an actual room because they did not think they would have time to get the MRI done for me that evening, so I settled in for a night of needless worry by my family – I just overdosed on a medication – I'm not going to die here people – that was too strong for my system that's all.  I know what is wrong with me.  Thankfully they were able to get the MRI done for me Monday evening and, since I refused the anti-seizure medication, they released me – there was no reason to keep me any longer if they could not monitor my medication and how I reacted to it.

I am fine now – still very sore from the calisthenics around the bed Monday morning when I had a grand mal seizure and the gargantuan lead they put in my arm to give me IV fluids – and my brain isn't altogether there either yet, but its getting there.  I sent emails pertaining to my younger son and his class to my elder son's class and teachers and unfortunately made a fool of myself – they had no idea what I was talking about.  So now I'll have to explain myself to all of these people as well and hope that they will understand. 

It's not easing dealing with seizures because you never know when they are going to come on or what is going to trigger them – I learned in the hospital that a simple UID can cause you to have a seizure as well as a plain old sinus condition from a cold as well.  Let's just hope and pray that I don't get that bad off that those simple minor things start causing me to have seizures!  But I just want everyone to understand that it isn't something that we have control over – if I had known about the medication in Benadryl and the PM medications causing seizures I would have found a different means to help me fall asleep.  Sigh.  Live and Learn, right?

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